by Patricia Hubbard

Is fear of your impending divorce situation causing you undue distress? Are you worried about your job safety or some other nagging possibility? Is all this necessary?

Our Priest, Father Jim recently made a joke about fear. He said the letters of the word, FEAR stood for “Forget Everything and Run.”

Oh, if life were that simple. But wait a minute…maybe it is!

Feelings of fear are really a belief in something that is not yet real! I will repeat that…Feelings of fear are a belief in something that is not yet real!

Yes, our brain says to be afraid of that impending court date or that maybe that abusive spouse will be waiting inside our home for us to return, so they can ravage us one more time.

Maybe our fear that our teenager will be killed or injured, while they are driving home from a dance or party, replays in our minds.

Sometimes we fear that we will not have enough money to pay the bills for the coming month.

You may be responsible for the bills and you must appear for the court date even though  you are dreading it, but how you choose to think about all of these is strictly up to you.

It’s your choice, you know! Basically you are mostly responsible for your thoughts.

Now, before you come at me with a cane or a bat, let me explain.

Did you ever stop and wonder why you feel a certain way about any given situation? Why do you feel frightened? Is it what you are thinking?

The last time someone delivered flowers to your door, or gave you a gift that you cherish, you no doubt smiled and experienced a delightful joy that someone would do such a kindness to you. You will probably have grateful thoughts of that person. You are filled with delight and gratefulness fills your thoughts. This is a positive situation, right?

Now let’s examine what was just described. We talked about feelings of kindness, gratefulness, and delight.

At the other end of the spectrum, say your Ex or someone who has been a thorn in your side, just called you and threatened to sue you for some action of yours or possibly something you were not responsible for. What type of feelings would you have now?

Most likely your thoughts are “How dare him/her!” Feelings of anger, defensive emotions, negative revenge creeps into your thoughts. The next few days are spent in that vein of thought. Certainly your thoughts are not of happy feelings. A cloud of doom and gloom hover over your every thought. The sun seems to have disappeared from your horizon. Concentrating on other subjects seems to be a burden. All of your energy is focused on how to protect yourself from this supposed threat. Feelings of anger, defense, negativity, fear and gloom dominate your daily mentality.

Who is responsibility for all this negativity? You maybe?

What are feelings? How do they seem to rule our lives? Where does their power come from? What makes them have the juice to rule? We, ourselves, give reality to the anger or the joy by our thoughts.

When you really look at the word, feelings seem to be empty, not real or solid. They really are an expression of how we are experiencing emotion about a particular problem.

So how do they have so much power over us?… They don’t…if we won’t let them! We really are in control of our thoughts, we just forgot that we have the power over them. My thought is that we give our power away to FEAR.

Now, you can let fly the brickbats. But I am not afraid because I am right!

Thoughts that we allow are the generators of our emotions or feelings. If I am afraid, it is because my thoughts say, “Fear this one.” Who has the power to say yea or nay to that fear? I do!

When you hear of folks talking about positive thinking, this is exactly what they are speaking of, although sometimes, they don’t mention your power. You have the power to fear the outcome or the power to handle it and make a positive decision to cast fear to the devil, where it has originated.

Fear is a belief in something that is not real because it has not happened yet, it just exists in our imagination as a possibility.

As a person who is divorced, nearing divorce, or just become a widowed person, are your fears controlling you?

Are you fearing your impending court date?

Are you fearful about your future alone?

Do financial responsibilities constantly, dance around in your mind?

Are you in a state of panic about your future days alone?

Are you psychic? Can you predict the future? So why are you trying to? Feelings of fear for the future are unfounded, unreal and a waste of your precious time. Fear is a lack of faith in our God to protect us. Fear is a condition of our own creation. Is that your choice?

Ask yourself are you fearing something real, something you can touch or is it just a figment of your very active imagination?

Giving power to the unreal is your choice. A person of faith will redirect those fearful thoughts to the Lord. They will ask that they have the strength to overcome the negativity that is robbing them of their peace. They will learn to recognize the difference between “possibilities and realities.”

One does not need to run from fear, but to face it, challenge it, and know that it cannot have power unless you allow it.

For more tips and tools on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit


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About the author:

Patricia-Hubbard_64984Patricia Hubbard is a widowed mother of six, (four natural and two stepchildren.) She has lead a Support Group for those who are separated, divorced or widowed, for the past 13 years, incorporating the nationally known Divorce/Care and Grief/Share program into our support system. She is currently working on an ebook directed towards widowed people; Pat has written newsletters in the past for numerous organizations and presently writes a newsletter for the Separated/Divorced and Widowed. Her writing is aimed at helping folks to get through the pain and move on with their lives.

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